End of the dream..

Wednesday 10th September
I haven't been too unhappy with my build-up, training-wise, for the Berlin marathon. I haven't been on the scales for a while but the weight seems to be staying under control, which is good considering the trips to Germany etc.

What has been a worry, however, has been raising a substantial amount of money for Samaritans and the personal expense of attending the event. I was hoping that my company would assist with the latter, but given that I have only raised £605 so far, this can hardly be justified. Nor can I really afford to fork out the cost of a return flight, accomodation etc myself.

There have been other mitigating circumstances too; I've had a torrid time at work lately and don't feel that I've been properly focused in my training most evenings. The stress has taken its toll physically, with my red wine consumption being notably higher than it should be in the build up to a marathon. I'm sorry but there has to be some way of "venting" as I like to call it.

Another major concern has been that none of my friends will be coming to Berlin with me for the weekend, and quite frankly, if there's no one to share it with, what's the point?

I therefore made the decision today to call the Samaritans and tell them I wouldn't be taking part in the Berlin Marathon 2008. It just didn't sit well with me at all.

They took it well, and I have offered to run for them in the London marathon in 2009 should I get a place through the ballot. If not, I will probably pick another marathon before the end of this year (probably Luton in December) and run that to honour the sponsorship I have received.

I thought, having made the call, this would be a weight off my mind. It is now, but not at the time. As soon as it hit home that the dream was officially over, the chin started to wobble and the tears started to flow.

It's a bastard when that happens. Especially for a grown man in an office full of people. Bang goes the hard man image (if, indeed, it ever existed). Fortunately Louise (Mumfy) and Kim (Kimmi) were on hand to comfort me, which I am very grateful for. It took a good twenty minutes before I could carry on with the job at hand.

It was a horrible decision to make, but I genuinely feel it is the right one. Everyone I have spoken to has been very understanding and supportive. It just seems terribly ironic, that with the injury problems I have had in the last year, I now have to pull out of an event for completely different reasons.

In any case, Luton does seem like a good option (accessible, good value and will keep me focused when I get back from holiday). Other than that, just keep up the good work and look forward to seeing what happens next.